The Real Deal
by Garowyn
Summary: The hero, the outlaw, and a good ol' fashioned showdown. This is the true story of the Wild, Wild West: The girls have been kidnapped! Can Joey, Seto and Yugi save them in time? No! But they're sure going to try.


**A/N: I don't own YGO or the obvious western parody idea. If it's been done before…well, this is just my take on it. Sorry if my western slang isn't all up to par. I don't watch or read too many westerns. And some of the dialogue is meant to sound odd. '…thoughts…' Thank you to Caorann fridh Bronach for beta reading.**

* * *

"Sweetie, why don't ya come on over and sit yerself down," a rude "cowboy" hollered, waving at the blonde beauty behind the bar counter. 

Mai sniffed. "I'd sooner kiss a cactus," she retorted, wondering if her comments could get any cornier. Furiously, she filled another drink for someone down the counter.

"Aw, come on!" another one chimed in. "Better yet, why don't ya dance fer us?" The other men around the table all laughed, some lost in their own fantasies.

"Leave her alone!"

All men turned to see one boy standing alone in the doorway of the saloon. "Well, if it ain't lil' Mokuba Kaiba," Bad Breath drawled out.

"Where's yer big brother, huh?" Baldy demanded, referring to the town sheriff.

Mokuba ignored the question. "Leave…or else." He narrowed his eyes, mentally wishing he were old enough to carry a gun or at least an imitation of it. Luckily, his brother always had his back.

Bad Breath, Baldy, and the rest of their crew burst out laughing.

Mai left her spot behind the counter and patted Mokuba's head. "Thank you, honey, but I can handle this." She put her hands on her hips and faced the clowns. "Look, you can stay here and drink all you want, but if you give me any more trouble you're going to find yourselves out in the desert with a pain where the sun don't shine!" she snapped, her voice having reached its peak in terms of high notes… "Is that clear!"

All the dirty men were wide-eyed; some were even sobbing…quietly.

"Ma'am, I think you've made it very clear," Yugi, the pianist, answered for all of them. He, of course, was not a part of the group of disrespectful men, but it seemed appropriate at the time to say it.

"Why, thank you, Yugi."

The music and chatter resumed, but didn't stay that way for long when yet another cowboy entered the saloon: Joey.

"Howdy, Miss Mai!" Joey tossed his hat in the hair and grinned at the blonde beauty behind the counter.

"Joey Wheeler." Mai wiped the countertop and laughed while rolling her eyes. "Back, are you? Save us all!"

"Humph." Joey put his cowboy hat back on. "You love me. Admit it." He smirked at her, trying to look dashing in his worn-out clothes…

"When pigs fly."

"Now, now," Yugi smiled. "Let's not fight this time around…" he said although he knew it was unavoidable. It always was and it always would be.

"Yeah, or I'll get my brother to come here and arrest you," Mokuba added, sitting next to Yugi on a separate chair.

Joey was arrested once in awhile because of his tendency to start fights. So he jumped from town to town, trying to avoid being arrested. "Hey, I'm not here to start a fight…yet!"

All three sweatdropped.

"Where's my sister?" Joey asked, peering at each face in the saloon. "She said she was going to start working here to earn money for our mother."

"She and Tea will be here soon," Yugi responded, tapping out a cheerful song on the black and white keys and the song earned a few claps from the back of the saloon.

"Oh…and, Mokuba! You aren't supposed to be in a bar!" Joey exclaimed, frowning, as if he just noticed the young boy. "It's dangerous for you. You never know what could happen…" he finished menacingly…somewhat.

Mokuba gave him an I-don't-care look. "So what? My big brother will protect me."

"He may protect you," Yugi said as he paused in his playing. "But that doesn't mean he'll always be there when you are in trouble. And Joey's right. You're just a-"

"-kid!" Joey laughed. "And I'd search like to face your 'big brother' in a gunfight. I got a bone to pick with him."

"Really?" Mokuba's eyes dazzled with excitement at the mention of a gunfight. "Okay! I'll go and get him-"

"Wait, wait! Stay there, kid!" Joey scrambled to the entrance, blocking his way. "Ha, ha! You don't have to go _now_, huh?" He grinned, scratching the back of his head. There was just no way he'd admit to being slightly afraid of the sheriff…

"Why not?" Mokuba cocked his head sideways, genuinely confused.

"…Because, I, er, have to go out of town…" Joey said, glancing everywhere except the kid in front of him. It was partially true.

"You just got back," Mai interrupted. "You know what? I think you're too chicken to face him." She handed a drink over to yet another customer. Boy, did everyone have nothing to do but drink all day?

"Excuse me, but do I hear a challenge?" Joey retorted, unbeknownst to the fact that Mokuba had now just slipped by him through the doors.

"Well, what else do you hear?" Mai shot back, sending him a smirk of her own. "The voices in your empty head?"

* * *

"Oh, dear, I hope everything is all right," Serenity commented, entering through the saloon's backdoor with her friend, Tea. Her brother never seemed to stay out of trouble. 

"Sounds like the usual bickering." Tea sighed. "Come on, we're late. Let's change into our dancing clothes right away," she said, anticipating the dances they would be doing that would show off her talent. 'I want to go to other towns and dance,' she thought. 'It's my dream.'

* * *

"Now that's a low blow!" Joey argued, glaring daggers at the female bartender. "Boy, if I didn't find you so breath-taking, I'd help you right over a cliff!" 

"Likewise, I'm sure," Mai snapped, thoroughly agitated with him. Why couldn't he just shut his stupid face!

Yugi said nothing; he chose to stay out of the argument, as always, and he wondered if this argument would last longer than the previous one some weeks back.

"Anyway, I don't have time to dilly-dally with you." Mai cleared her throat and addressed the entire saloon, announcing that the dancers were here, while Yugi prepared to play a song. "Ladies and Gents…"

"D-Dancers! My sister is a _dancer_!" Joey growled, ready to pull out his gun on anyone who tried anything indecent. Not that Tea and Serenity were dressed indecently themselves. They wore simple dancing dresses of purple and red.

"Not _those_ kind of dancers, you twit!" Mai was ready to slap him silly!

"Humph. And how come you're not a dancer yourself, Mai?" Joey demanded, giving her a haughty look.

"Why? Do you want me to dance? Just for _you_!" Mai said and if it were possible, smoke would be seen coming out of her ears.

"Please, Joey, Miss Mai, don't fight." Serenity clasped both hands together at her chest. "I oh-so hate it when y'all fight."

"Hold on, what kind of dance are you doing?" Joey inquired, putting his hands on her shoulders. "No sister of mine-"

"No, no!" Tea finally spoke up, her blue eyes flashing in annoyance at Joey's obvious ignorance. "We're doing a square dance!" she yelled, hands on her hips in a sort of motherly manner.

The crowd cheered and tables were cleared and pushed off to the side. Other women joined in as everyone prepared to do the square dance. Yugi was at the top of his form, playing merry music, and Mai plopped herself right on top of her counter, watching everybody engage in the festivities while clapping. Meanwhile, Joey took a seat not too far away from her, frowning at anyone who happened to look his or her way.

All of a sudden, a loud gunshot rang in the air. The women screamed and the men yelled and that's that.

Mai ducked behind the counter, Yugi hid behind the far side of his piano, and Joey ran immediately towards his sister, intent on protecting her.

Loud thumps that could only mean footsteps accompanied the thugs entering the saloon. "All right!" a voice shouted. "This is a _stick-up_!"

In the safety of her hiding place, Mai bit back her laughter. That term had gone out with the stockings and wigs that men used to wear!

"Where is the owner of this place?" a second voice demanded, firing a bullet at the nearest table where a group of men trembled beneath. The bullet ricocheted into the wall.

"Over here!" Bad Breath cried, pointing towards the counter. "She's hiding!"

Mai gritted her teeth and stood up, knowing the chance of remaining unseen had been ruined. She cast a sharp glare in Bad Breath's direction and then faced the bad guys…and gasped.

At the entrance, the cronies of the most notorious "bad guy" in the West stood side by side, both guns pointing skyward: Duke and Tristan.

"What do you want?" Mai was feeling a twinge of courage because she remembered something she had hidden on her…

"All your money," Tristan answered, spreading one arm. "What else?" He chuckled and his eyes drifted over to the main dancers. "Well, well, what do we have here?" he asked with sparkling eyes. "Hello, pretties…"

"Oh, dear," Tea murmured, stepping closer to Serenity and Joey. "Oh, dear, oh, dear…" This couldn't be happening! She didn't even get to dance!

"Joey?" Serenity was hesitant to go on. Nervous, she inched closer to him, hoping he would do something.

"It's all right," he whispered and drew his gun. He then spoke to the criminals with a proud voice: "I know you two. You're Bakura's cronies, aren't you?" Joey did not aim his gun, but kept it facing the floor.

Everybody present within the saloon let out sounds of shock and some even fainted.

"That's right," Duke responded curtly, apparently pleased about that fact. "And-"

"Hands up!" They looked to see the blonde beauty pointing a gun at their hearts, the gun that had been hidden beneath her dress on one of her legs, for protection, of course.

Tristan acted fast and shot the gun out of her hand. With a yelp, Mai ducked behind the counter again, terrified.

"Hey!" Joey was suddenly furious. "You could have hurt her, or worse, killed her!" Finally, he aimed his gun at the two. "You're going to pay for that, you hear!"

When all attention had been on Mai and Tristan, Duke had dashed over to where Serenity and Tea stood as Joey had stepped forward. "I've got them!" he declared, grabbing the two by their arms. "You get the money."

"Right." Tristan was about to head for the counter when a bullet grazed his hat and shattered the window. "Yow! What in tarnation-"

"Don't take another step!" Joey shouted. "And you!" he continued, facing Duke. "Take your hands off my little sister!"

"And me!" Tea cried, wishing she hadn't come to work today.

"And her!"

"I don't think I want to," Duke replied snidely. "Shut your trap."

"You won't make another shot, not unless you want your pretty, little hen here to die," Tristan threatened, having already taken the opportunity to find Mai. "All right, bud?"

"Hen! Why you-" Mai, of course, was cut off.

"Cluck, cluck!" Tristan smirked.

Joey snarled, unable to do a thing. 'Boy, I need to get a few cronies of my own…' He stayed silent, lest a word slipped out and caused the end of the light of his life. Of course, Mai wasn't the actual light of his life _yet_, but she would be someday!

Tristan grinned. "Okay! Now that we understand one another…" He turned to Mai, waving his gun ominously. "Get the money and do as I say!"

"Hold your horses!" Mai said, reaching for the savings she kept hidden away, but then she stopped her hand about an inch from the hidden box. "Everyone, close your eyes! I'm not about to let you all see where I keep the goods!" She scowled when none moved a muscle. "Now!" That got them going.

"Hurry!" Serenity cried, not enjoying the pain on her arm caused by Duke's iron-like grip. "He's hurting me!"

"I am _not_!" Duke protested, annoyed, yet, fascinated by her appearance. So was Tristan.

"Yes, you _are_! And me, _too_!" Tea almost shrieked and tried to kick him, but he only squeezed her arm tighter.

'Mokuba, I sure hope you're on your way here with your brother,' Yugi thought, remembering how Mokuba had outwitted Joey easily. 'We sure could use Kaiba's help about now.'

"Come on!"

"Shut your trap." Mai glowered at her captor and pulled the money out. "There. Now leave!"

"You're coming with us!" Tristan said, grabbing Mai's arm.

"What!" she shrieked, obvious shock on her beautiful face.

"Goodbye, now!" Tristan and Duke disappeared with the money and the three girls through the front swinging doors.

Angry protests and shouts broke the silence when they were all sure of being left in peace.

"Why didn't you stop him?" one woman asked Joey. "You're our friendly outlaw!" Yes, despite all the fights he caused, Joey was a hero. Really!

Joey did not move. Silence overcame the saloon again. It was time to express his hatred towards Bakura and his men. He was overwhelmed by so much anger, he found it fitting to reveal it in one single word, provided this _was_ an actual word: "Argh!"

All jumped back in fright like a timid calf when he hears a bark for the first time.

"I'll _rip_ them into little pieces! I'll _tear_ them limb from limb! I'll _wrap_ them by their intestines! I'll _shoot_ them to the moon! I'll-"

"Did the dog cause another fight?"

The unmistakable voice of the sheriff, Seto Kaiba, brought everyone's eyes to the front doors where he stood with Mokuba at his left.

"Thank goodness you're here!" Yugi ran over to him, inwardly agonizing about the situation. "You've got to go save Mai, Tea, and Serenity! They were taken by Bakura's men!"

"Oh! A real showdown!" Mokuba blurted out. "Oops." He piped down, hoping his brother hadn't detected the excitement in his voice.

"If there was one, you wouldn't be there," Seto reminded his brother. "So, Mai is gone?" He smirked. "The loudmouth is gone, and you want me to go after her and her little schoolgirls? You should be glad; a favor was done."

"Don't call me a dog!" Joey yelled, stalking over towards Seto.

"Delayed reaction. Typical of a dog," Seto replied, crossing his arms.

"Well, if you're not going after them, I will! I'm not afraid!"

"Are you implying that I am?" Seto shook his head in mock sadness. "I am not afraid. I will go after them with the intent of catching Bakura and receiving a reward. Not that I need anymore money. Instead I will be known as the best sheriff in the West."

"Oh, yeah?" Joey huffed. "Come on, Yugi! We'll settle this ourselves."

"Me?" Yugi squeaked. "B-B-But why me? I'm just a humble piano player. I don't like violence!"

"Then what do you call the time when you hit someone with a chair for insulting your music?" Joey asked, recalling the freakishly strong midget's incident.

"…"

"That's what I thought," Joey said, triumphant. "Let's go. We'll leave as soon as I saddle up Ol' Paint." He brushed past the Kaiba brothers with Yugi close behind. "Just think, you'll earn your cowboy boots! You can be my crony!"

Yugi looked as though he had just been told his dog died. "I don't _really_ want to be your crony…"

"Seto, are you going, too?" Mokuba asked, tugging on his brother's sleeve. "If you are, I want to come, too." Who knew what lay ahead? They might need his help!

"Oh, I'm going all right." Seto adjusted his hat, and headed outside. "There's no telling what those two will do, and I won't let them get the reward. It's mine." There was a slight pause. "No, you can't come. It's safer here in town, so go home and stay there."

Mokuba hung his head in disappointment, but then brightened. He had a plan.

* * *

Seto calmly waited outside of town, seated upon his pinto, Blue Eyes. It was true; the horse was brown and white with the most gorgeous blue eyes, if you ever saw some. Not to mention it had a fiery spirit, a feisty one that suited Seto just fine. 

Behind him (still on the horse) were his supplies, pack and several other necessary items. "Why am I even waiting for those two imbeciles?" Seto asked out loud to any critter in the wild willing to listen. "They're only going to slow me down." Sighing, he checked for the thirteenth time if his gun was loaded.

At long last, Joey and Yugi appeared on one horse…one horse! "Hi, Kaiba, what are you doing here?" Yugi greeted him sheepishly.

Seto stared at him. "_You're_ riding with _him_? Where's all your supplies? Or did you not have enough sense to remember to bring some?"

"Ol' Paint here can handle it." Joey patted the brown horse. "Yugi doesn't have a horse and our supplies are _right there_!" He pointed to a small wagon behind the horse, tied to the saddle.

"Fools." Seto closed his eyes in annoyance. "Why didn't you just use a chuckwagon?"

"Then we would need a second horse and we don't have one!" Joey replied, "I just told you!"

"Why do you call him, Ol' Paint? He's not even two colors."

"Shut your mouth, Kaiba!"

"Now, now, Joey…don't start another fight." Ah, Yugi - always the peacemaker.

"Yes, listen to little Yugi, dog."

"Ergh!" Joey was insanely frustrated by now.

"Anyway, we'd best be on our way."

"Why are you coming with us, Kaiba?" Yugi asked. "I thought you'd go on your own."

"If you two don't come back – which would be glorious – the townspeople would have my head," Seto replied coldly, knowing everyone favored Joey and Yugi.

"_Glorious_!" Joey snapped in retaliation, knowing he would have liked the idea of a beheaded sheriff.

Yugi grimaced, clearly in contrast with Joey's thoughts on a beheading. 'Besides, this isn't the Middle Ages, it's the Wild West. We hang people – bad thought, bad thought! You don't _like_ violence, Yugi Moto!' Yugi bit his lower lip and said, "Let's get a move-on then."

"We're coming, Serenity, Tea – Mai!" Joey shouted, waving his hat in the air, full of the cowboy spirit. "Yeehaw!"

"Joey!" Yugi grabbed onto his friend around the waist. "I think we're going overrrr!"

"What the-! Oof!"

Seto gave a cruel laugh as Joey and Yugi's saddle slid to the side, knocking both of them to the ground. "The greatest heroes in the West," he mocked, steadying his horse.

"Grr – Yugi! What did you do!" Joey growled, humiliated.

"I saddled him up, just like you told me to because you were busy in the outhouse-"

Seto gave another laugh, clearly enjoying himself, at the expense of the two.

"Well, you didn't tighten it up properly!" Joey rubbed his bottom, pulling out a small cactus, fuming over his bruised dignity.

"Hurry up!" Seto finally yelled, reaching the end of his patience. Wait, when did he ever have patience for these two? "The sun is setting."

* * *

Meanwhile, Tristan carried Serenity in front of him with Tea tied to him, from behind. With two horses and five people, it was going to be a tight squeeze. "I don't see why I had to carry _two_ people!" Tristan complained darkly. 

"It's better than loudmouth here." Duke gestured to the bound Mai Valentine behind him who was currently screaming insults and curse words. Thankfully, the pounding sound of the horses' hooves silenced most of them.

"-worthless donkey-"

"I think loudmouth was an understatement," Tristan remarked, frowning, getting his horse to gallop faster.

"-insensitive dolt-"

"I think you're absolutely right," Duke agreed heartily, also urging his horse to speed up. The quicker they got to the hideout, the better chance of saving their ears.

"Where are you taking us?" Tea demanded, not enjoying the view of the horse's rear end, not to mention the smell.

"Yes, please tell us," Serenity chimed in, glad her view was not of the horse's rear end.

"-dumb dog-"

"Ladies," Tristan started, "we're taking you to the hideaway of Bakura…and us," he added lamely.

"What are you going to do?" Tea wanted to know, swallowing a lump in her throat nervously.

Duke instantly became serious. "That's up to our boss – the fiercest outlaw in the West."

"-fierce outlaw my-"

* * *

Night fell. The stars were like diamonds that no rich man can ever hope to buy. And the nearby critters and rodents ran for cover, disturbed by the argument that was taking place. 

Over a burning fire, Yugi heated up their beans. "You know, it's good that the prairies don't start for miles more otherwise having this fire would be dangerous. When we get closer we're going to have to-"

"When I agreed that someone should keep watch, I didn't say it would be me!" Seto was saying, or rather, snapping.

"I was _implying_ it-"

"Cut it out!" Yugi rubbed his temples, greatly irked by the constant squabbling. "Look, how about I start? I'll watch for a couple of hours, and then you, Joey, and then Kaiba. Fair enough?"

"Fine!" Joey turned his nose to the sky in defiance.

"Fine." Seto grabbed his pack and shoved it behind his back, intent on making the rock more comfortable for him to sleep against.

"Good." Yugi smiled. "Here, have some beans."

Later on that night, Yugi gazed at the beautiful night sky as Joey and Seto slept. He never stopped believing that Someone was out there. Only such a majestic being could only paint a magnificent display of a starry night.

The tri-colored haired pianist yawned and stood up to wake Joey. "Joey, it's your turn now," he whispered and nudged Joey with his foot.

"Zzzzz…" Boy, could Joey snore! His snores were louder than an old lady getting angry when someone stepped on her cat's tail.

"Joey," Yugi whispered once more, leaning down and shaking his shoulders.

"Zzzzz…" The Friendly Outlaw was not budging.

Yugi kicked his shoulders, hard.

"Zzzzz-snort!" Joey's eyelids fluttered open. "No, Mama, I didn't put the mouse there – eh?" Joey sat up. "Where in blue blazes am I?" he asked, wiping away the drool on the side of his mouth.

"Joey, it's your turn to keep watch," Yugi told him, biting back a chuckle. Sometimes his friend could act so silly and stupid.

"Oh." Joey grabbed his hat and went over to the rock where Yugi had been sitting on. "Say, Yugi, since you don't have a gun, what would you have done if we'd been attacked?"

"…Zzzzz…" Instant sleep! How simply, truly amazing. The tri-colored haired boy could snore almost as loud as Joey.

The Friendly Outlaw shrugged and tried to stay awake, somehow oblivious to a creeping figure in the darkness.

The figure had a bandana wrapped around his face, covering his mouth with his hat drooped slightly. He easily by passed Joey, who was already falling asleep, and then the unknown person, reaching for Seto's gun. Unloading the bullets and tucking them into his pocket, he zeroed in on Joey's gun and did the same thing. Leaving just as quietly and quickly as he had come, the stranger left to do other business…

* * *

"Here we are!" Tristan announced, stopping near a cave in the rocky cliff. "Our home sweet home." 

"-brainless, mindless-"

"Bakura? Are you here?" Duke called out, his voice echoing, shining his lantern into the large cave. "Guess he hasn't come back yet from whatever he's doing."

"Well, let's get comfortable!" Tristan jumped from the horse, forgetting that Tea was still tied to him. "Ack!" He had no choice but to fall right on her back, dropping Serenity in the process.

"Ouch!" Tea groaned, hoping her back hadn't broken.

"Are you all right…what's your name?" Duke jumped from his horse, setting Mai down the ground unceremoniously.

"Tea!" the brunette wailed in response. "I think I have a bruised back," she muttered,

"No, not you," Duke said, "_you_." He pointed at Serenity. "Well, _are_ you?"

"Yeah, did I hurt you?" Tristan asked, frowning at Duke and then smiling at the young girl. Boy, she was just as lovely as the stars on a fine and clear night.

Serenity blushed. "No, I'm fine," she replied, accepting both of their offers to lift her up. 'What gentlemen…what am I saying? They're the "bad guys!"'

"What about me!" Tea cried, hurt. Why did everyone have to ignore her?

"Eh, you'll be fine," Tristan muttered. "Serenity, let's get you inside first and get you all nice and comfy."

"I'll take her." Duke grabbed her hand after untying her.

"No, I will!"

"Get lost!"

"_You_ get lost!"

"What's going on here?" a deep voice asked calmly.

"Bakura!" both men cried out in almost terror.

The white-haired outlaw reached down and grabbed Mai's hair, forcing her to look up at him. "-you snakes!" she finished, seeing red. "You'll regret this," she screeched.

"I already have," Bakura answered smoothly, threateningly. Releasing her hair, he turned to the brunette. "Well, what have we here?" He bent down and touched her cheek.

Tea flushed red. This wasn't all what she had expected. What she had thought the notorious outlaw would look like - stringy hair, stubble chin, stinky, with a cigar hanging out of his mouth with flies all around – was the opposite. Bakura was actually…good-looking! 'I have finally gone insane,' Tea thought bitterly.

"Take those two inside and keep them tied up," Bakura ordered. "I'll take the money."

"What about her?" Duke pointed to Tea.

"Do as I say!"

"Yes, sir!" both saluted and then trotted off to tie the horses and bring the girl and the woman into the cave.

Tea shuddered, hoping he wasn't going to kill her.

"How about we take a little walk?"

* * *

The next morning… 

The sound of the wind woke Seto from his slumber. The sun was just rising as he rose himself and stretched. Yesterday…what a day, what a day…yesterday! Seto searched his mind, knowing there had been something that needed to be done…and he hadn't done it. "Keeping watch…" he murmured, and then turned to his sleeping companion, sitting on a rock. "You…!" The sheriff lunged for Joey, picking him up by the collar of his shirt. "Why didn't you wake me up, you dirty mongrel!"

"H-Huh?" Joey opened his eyes and yelped. He shrank back at the furious gaze of the sheriff. "Wake you up? What do you mean-?" It hit him. He was supposed to have traded places with Seto once his turn was up! "Good Golly, Miss Molly!" he cried, now realizing the reason for Seto's anger. "Uh…oops?"

"Mm…snort!" Yugi sat up with a sudden jolt. "Good morning. What's going on, you two?" he asked although he knew there was more arguing between the sheriff and outlaw.

"This _cowboy_ here forgot to wake me up for my turn at keeping watch!"

Yugi flinched. "Er, at least no one attacked us. We're still here, right?" he said, trying to look on the bright side of things.

"I've a good mind to shoot you dead right now," Seto growled, pulling out his gun.

"Yeah? Me, too!" Joey snarled, pulling his own out.

"Wait a second!" Yugi jumped into between. "We can work this out! Besides, save your ammunition for Bakura!" 'I can't believe I'm encouraging violence!'

Joey raised both eyebrows. "Really? You're all for killing Bakura?" Joey scratched the back of his head in amazement. "Wow…I guess a rooster _can_ change its spots..."

"I highly doubt he is," Seto remarked, glaring. "He's trying to save your hide!" Seto rolled his eyes. "And roosters don't have spots, you mangy cur!"

"Quit shooting off at the mouth, big mouth!" Joey retorted.

"Please!" Yugi yelled. "We need to get going. If we don't find Bakura soon, the girls could be killed!"

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Joey untied his horse from a stick he had found (and stuck in the ground). "Let's go!"

"For once, I agree," Seto muttered darkly, knowing he had to uphold his duties as a sheriff.

* * *

Yawning, Duke opened his eyes and stretched, taking it upon him to check the prisoners at the same time. The three girls had slept against the cave wall, while Tristan kept watch. Bakura, however, was nowhere to be found. 

"Tristan." Duke sat up, rubbing his backside. "Where's the boss?"

"Said he had something to do." Tristan grabbed his pouch of water and took a long guzzle. "Anyway, you had better get ready. No doubt Bakura's got some kind of plan because those clowns are already here."

In the distance, two horses with riders could be seen, coming towards the cliffs. "Well, what do you know?" Duke laughed. "They managed to survive this far, except they don't know where we're hiding out."

Tristan grinned widely. "Think they'll pass us?"

"Probably not," Bakura answered for Duke, the outlaw appearing at the mouth of the cave. "Your stinking scent will attract them. All the better because we're going to have ourselves a little showdown, boys." Bakura closed his eyes in satisfaction. "Take the dames and bring them to the top of the cliffs."

* * *

"How we going to get around those cliffs?" Joey wondered out loud. 

"Oh, no…" Yugi groaned. "Going all the way around could take forever. They're miles ahead by now!"

"Not quite." The two riders looked at Seto in surprise. The blue-eyed sheriff stared almost skyward. "They're up there," he said quietly.

"Aaaaaiiiiiieeeee!"

The trio of horsemen covered their ears in an instant. "Yep. That's them, all right," Joey remarked, recognizing Mai's scream.

"I'm deciding now if I should turn around and head home," Seto growled, not all that fond of the female bartender.

"Well," Yugi began, "this is our moment of truth, guys. It's all or nothing."

"Don't make it sound so final, buddy," Joey hissed, as they approached the base of the ridge.

"I'm sorry." Yugi patted his shoulder. "I shouldn't worry. You're here…and, uh, why don't you lead the way? I'll stay here with the horses."

"Do I hear a chicken?" Seto shook his head in mild amusement. "I should've expected this."

"Leave him alone!" Joey brought Ol' Paint to a halt and slid off. "Yugi, you'll be safe with me – I wouldn't count on Kaiba – so just come with us. We need all the help we can get." Going serious, the blonde cowboy narrowed his eyes. "Bakura's there."

Yugi gasped, "But Joey! I don't encourage violence, remember? Plus, I wouldn't be of any use in a gunfight! Heck, I can't even load a gun, much less shoot one!"

"You ain't going to do the shooting!" Joey grabbed his friend by the wrist. "This was all your idea-"

"Pardon me, but I beg to differ-"

"-and you're here for moral support, too! Can't have a good gunfight without good support."

Meanwhile, Seto was already at the foot of the cliff, or rather, a few feet away.

A taunting voice floated downward. "Well, well, look who's finally here." Tristan had Serenity by her arms, prepared to do his boss' will.

"Help us!" Mai tried to struggle free from Duke's grasp.

Strangely enough, Tea was not bound or held securely: rather she was standing still beside Bakura.

"Tea!" Yugi shouted. "What did you monsters do to her!"

Tea cupped her hands around her mouth. "Hi, Yugi!"

Seto snorted. "What does she think this is, a square dance?"

"I'm sorry, but Bakura offered for me to go with him!" Tea was saying. "I'd have a chance to become a dance star and be famous!" she finished, probably referring to the city, which was a great distance away.

All but Bakura and Tea face-faulted. "Tea, Tea, Tea…" Joey mumbled, disheartened by her reply.

"What's gotten into you, woman!" Seto glared at the group on the cliff. "I come all this way for this!" he shouted, "What a waste of my time! If I had known you three were going to go dancing-"

Though he was saddened by this news (and shocked), a disgruntled Yugi poked Seto in the arm. "Tea's just going…not Mai and Serenity."

"Let me go, you rotten – eek!" Duke pushed Mai off the cliff!

"I've had enough of you!" Duke shouted after her.

"Mai!" Joey dashed forward. "Mai!"

"Aaahhhh!" Mai fell several feet and landed… With a shriek, Mai opened her eyes and glanced around wildly. "I-I'm alive!" She gasped for breath, hoping to still her rapid heartbeat. "Oh, Joey, you saved me!"

"…you're – ugh – welcome…"

"Joey, where are you? I can't see you, honey." Mai searched all about her, but could not find her hero. "Well, how do you like that? He just ups and leaves!"

"I'm…right here, Mai…" Grunting, Joey pushed himself off the ground in an attempt to stand. "I'm the reason why you ain't hurt!"

"Oh!" Mai fell to the ground, still bound at her wrists. "Joey, please untie me."

"Yeah, sure." Joey bent down and untied those darn, old knots. "Almost got it…there – mmm!"

Mai had thrown her arms around him in a fierce hug and kiss. "My hero!" she declared.

"If you're done _smooching_, we _still_ have a hostage!" Tristan waved an arm around. "Yoohoo!"

"That's right." Seto aimed his gun at Bakura. "It's just you and me…"

"So this is how it's going to be, eh?" Bakura brought out his own weapon and took aim, too. "To the death?"

"To the death," the sheriff affirmed with grim determination.

"It's now or never," Joey murmured, already in a one-on-one stance with Tristan. "Put my sister behind you, you coward – your fight is with me!"

Serenity trembled as she was placed on the solid rock floor.

Yugi covered Mai, some inches away from Joey. "This is it…"

Both Seto and Joey fired a shot, but to their astonishment, nothing came out!

"The heck-" Seto squeezed the trigger, but no bullet flew out, still. "…"

"I-Is this some sort of _sick joke_!" Joey spun around with a bewildered expression. "Yugi, is this all _your_ doing!"

"What? N-No!" Yugi cringed. "I don't like violence, remember? Even so, I wouldn't go that far, given the predicament we're in," he explained quickly.

"You idiot!" Mai pointed at the thieves. "Don't turn your back on them, Joey!"

Bakura howled with laughter. "Sweet dreams, vermin!" he called, about to pull the trigger.

"Hold it."

"Huh?" Tristan threw a glance behind him and did a double take. "I-It's a kid!"

"A kid?" Bakura could not believe his eyes as he turned around and saw Mokuba Kaiba.

With that same droopy hat and red bandana worn by the stranger the night before, Mokuba aimed his newly acquired gun at Bakura. "Not so fast," he said, glowering, standing next to a pile of boxes labeled "Dynamite."

"You little-"

"Hey, my gun's gone!" Duke cried, obviously surprised. "When did that rat get it?"

"Weren't you keeping watch, Tristan?" Bakura demanded, wanting to strange his "cronies."

"I was," Tristan said in his defense, "but I heard a sound, too, so I went to check it out. That's when he must've ducked in and stole the gun!"

"That happened to me, too!" Duke exclaimed, startled. "He stole our bullets, too!"

Down below…

"What in tarnation is going on up there?" Joey took this opportunity to double-check his gun and pack. "I don't have any more bullets!" he announced, disgusted by himself. "How could I have forgotten bullets…"

"Neither do I," Seto said, in reference to his lack of ammo, "and I have a funny feeling about something…"

Heavenward…

"I'd let Serenity and the others go if you want to live," Mokuba said darkly, now aiming his gun at the dynamite. "Let them go or I'll make this explode!"

"Outmaneuvered by a chump," Duke grumbled, lowering his gun.

Although he knew full well the danger of dynamite, Bakura continuing to aim his gun at Mokuba, anyway. "Not if I shoot you first, kid."

Mokuba simply shrugged. "Go ahead. It's your funeral."

"Grr…" Bakura grabbed Tea's arm and dragged her with him, past Mokuba. "You won this time, kid. Don't think the war is over. I'll be back," he told Mokuba. Bakura would get his revenge someday soon and would be fully prepared for a threat like dynamite. There would be no loopholes the next time they met.

"Right." At that precise moment, Mokuba noticed something out of place. "Uh, Tea, where are you going?" he asked. Maybe Tea had somehow forgotten that she was a hostage.

"I'm going to be a star!" Tea answered, smiling. "Goodbye! I'll write when I become a success!"

"…Okay, then." Mokuba kept his defenses up as Tristan and Duke obediently followed their leader, all the time throwing Mokuba hard, mean expressions. "Yeah, you better run!"

"Mokuba!" a familiar voice rang out.

The boy's face broke into a grin. "Seto!" Those who had been below the cliffs had found a useable path leading them to the top of the cliffs, which really weren't that high up.

"Mokuba, what are you doing here – is that dynamite!"

Seto, Joey, Yugi, Mai and Serenity shrank back in fear. "M-Mokuba, get away from there!" Yugi cried, fearing for the boy's safety.

"What, these?" Mokuba gestured towards the boxes with his gun. "I found them in an old mine by the town. I borrowed Mr. Pegasus' horse-"

"I told you not to go near that disturbing, old man…" Seto frowned disapprovingly at his young brother. Pegasus was always at the station bothering him and Seto truly loathed that man…

"I know, but it's a good thing I did because I saved you all!"

Well, Seto couldn't argue with that kind of logic. Still, he'd have to have a talk with the boy on the meaning behind the words: "…go home and stay there."

"Still," Mokuba continued, "there wasn't any dynamite in them. They're all empty."

"So, you were _bluffing_?" Mai's jaw dropped. "You're a brave, but foolish boy." They were making "good guys" smaller everyday…

Mokuba puffed out his shoulders, pride swelling inside. "Yeah, but I still saved you. I was real lucky, though, because I was worried that that thief would check them."

"Mokuba, you're the hero of the West!" Serenity clapped her hands in delight. "Thank you kindly for saving us all."

"Aw, shucks, it wasn't nothing – hey, stop it!" Mokuba made a sound of distaste; thoroughly disgusted by the kisses Mai and Serenity had given him. "Gross!"

Joey threw his hat down at his feet. "That stinking thief! He got away!" 'And ruined my chance to be known as the One Who Defeated Bakura! That would be darn better than being known as an outlaw.'

"We're safe for now, Joey. I'm sure you'll get him next time," Yugi assured him with a smile. He believed in his friend.

"Yugi, you _are_ violent!" Joey laughed, slapping Yugi in the back playfully. "I knew it all the time."

"Mokuba, let's go." Seto stalked off in the direction of the path leading down to the desert-like terrain. "I've had enough of these twits."

"Okay." Mokuba followed him, glad to be heading home. He was ever so hungry! Beating bad guys certainly worked up an appetite. Plus, he didn't want to be around when Joey finally put two and two together (Seto would be easy to handle) and realized that it could only have been Mokuba – the one who had taken the bullets. Mokuba wanted to prove himself a real hero without anyone showing him up.

Mai and Serenity rode on Ol' Paint while Yugi and Joey walked beside them, heading home into the sunset. Well, technically, they were heading south so they weren't _really_ riding into the western sunset…

That, friends, is the true story of the Wild, Wild West. Truth _is_ stranger than fiction.


End file.
